so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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