my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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