I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dick very happy bro
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
