i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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