I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
