I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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