after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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