just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
