when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
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