I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
