I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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