Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
