Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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