There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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