i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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