I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
