I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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