I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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