Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
