That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
