Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
