Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
im six kinds of drunk right now
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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