Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
