I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
