6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
