He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
