there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
