it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
