I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
