honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
