I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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