i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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