I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
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