So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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