He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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