I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
