that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Text me some of your sweat
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
