So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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