checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
