Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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