I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
