Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
