brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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