I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
