Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am one with the molecules
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
