I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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