That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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