This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
