Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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