haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
